Does Anyone Choose to be Gay?

My sister tells a story about the day when my baby bottle was cut in half.

I was three, riding a tricycle, and always sucking my bottle. You see I loved to suck. I loved sucking my thumb. I was crazy for sucking my mama’s breasts, so you think I would have turned out straight. But when my mama took away her tittles, my bottle became my best friend. My bottle was my life, my comfort, my food, my happiness, my substitute for a mother who had abandoned me for 3 other kids and a 16-hour work day. The way my sister tells the story, it seems like she wasn’t even there. She describes a happy child, gaily putting his baby bottle pieces on the handles of his tricycle, and riding down the street. What my sister didn’t know is that I still sucked on the bottle nipple, even after it was cut in half!

Scene: Daytime, Family kitchen, circa 1960, Modesto, CA

I am three or four years old, lying on my back on the kitchen floor, looking up into the face of THE POWERFUL GIANTS, towering over me, laughing, mocking me. I am screaming and crying no, no, no, don’t take my bottle, no don’t cut it, and don’t take it. My brother, ten years older, and my sister, my sweet, dear loving sister, were helping my laughing family, use a hack saw to cut my very last baby bottle in half. These huge laughing giants, my family, my enemies, sawing my baby bottle in half with a hack saw.

There was no privacy in my family for small kids; we were less respected than the cat. Our family was poor and only had one bathroom. The men who had to go, walked in on the male kids and peed, making loud noises of satisfaction and shaking their big, grown up men penises at the toilet, or at me if I stared at it enough, and I couldn’t stop staring at them. “What are you looking at?’ I would hear repeatedly. I can remember staring at them and wanting to touch them.

Scene: Daytime, bathroom, shortly after previous scene

One of my first memories is as a small child, naked and in the bath, and a man came into the bathroom. I remember seeing him pee, and wishing mine looked like his. I remember wanting to touch it, to feel its size and weight.

Did I choose to become gay at that moment? Or was I a gay child discovering what I was born for? Well, in the very near future, you and I will have to give an answer for every moment of our lives, and there will not be a game show host saying “is that your final answer?”

When I stand before the Great White Throne of God, with ten thousand times ten thousand angels surrounding the judgment hall, and the books are opened, and I have to give an answer for my life; will my Maker, my Redeemer, my Creator speak to me of that very moment? As a young child, laying in the bathtub naked, looking up at man’s organ and wanting to touch it, to hold it, to see what it feels like, will my Jesus say, “You choose unwisely, and ruined your entire life. Enter the everlasting Hell you deserve?”

There are lots of people claiming to be Christian that would love to escort me to the gates of hell personally, and throw me in for even suggesting that being gay is genetic, and not a choice! Do I deserve an eternity of hell fire for that moment as a small child in the bathtub? As all of the major science in the last 50 years has shown that it is genetic, does the church really want to be on the wrong side of the truth again?

Was I already gay from birth, and the orientation was just working its way out? When I was still around 4 or 5, my mother let my hair grow out long and in curls, and put me in dresses. We had a thrift store, so there was lots of cosmetics, jewelry, and a wide selection of colors and styles of wigs. My mother wanted another girl, and liked to pretend I was one. Did this nurture change who I already was, or did my mother just see that I was a big gay girly boy?

If I was gay as a baby, can you imagine me as a newly born gay baby boy, right after my hands got strong enough to explore? My mother is changing my diaper, and I am playing with my organ... My mother says “nasty, don’t touch that.”  And slaps my hand.  I slide my hand under my diaper, and touch it again when she isn’t looking. I like how it feels. I am a male baby, so I am a slut, a whore, promiscuous, sex crazy - because all males are, but also because I am a gay baby. I can’t leave my little baby organ alone.

Now I imagine that I am a 6 month old gay baby boy, and I am pooping in my diaper. I like how the poop feels, coming out. I like touching my hole. I like sticking my finger in it, and playing with my poop. “Nasty,” my mother says, and slaps my hand, washes it hard, and with an angry voice screams “Don’t touch the poop!”

She doesn’t like me playing with my penis; she doesn’t like me playing with my anus. What do you imagine a gay baby boy would do differently from a straight baby boy?

At what age did I become a “perverse fagot, a bound for hell, a man controlled by the devil?” to quote our good friends at GodHatesFags dot com? When I decided, perversely, as a 6 month-old baby, to disobey my mother and play with my anus again? Is that when gay men become condemned to hell, when they first disobey their mothers and play with their nasty parts?

I am a man; therefore I am a whore by nature. But God can overcome our sinful nature, our sinful flesh, and change our whoring ways.

Men like women to be pure, to save themselves for marriage, but we are whores. We are like Solomon with 700 wives and 300 hundred concubines and still shopping for a new boyfriend to see on the down low. I am a gay man, and so I am a man-whore who loves man-whores.

Puberty is when kids develop physically and emotionally into young men and women. Usually for boys this starts around no earlier than 9 for boys, and age 12 is the average. With boys, the voice changes, hair starts growing around the genitals, etc. A precocious puberty, one where a child starts to show signs of being interested in sex, would be any younger than age 9. Any younger, and it would emotionally or physically stress the child.

I invited the neighborhood skateboard star to spend the night with me when I was around 7 or 8, and we played with each other naked. That was my first male to male contact, so I did have a precocious puberty. I guess I had sex with dozens of other boys before I was 18, mostly boys at school or in the neighborhood, many of which are now married, have families and are normal straight guys. Why didn't they choose to be gay, after me showing them such a good time? Once I discovered how easy it was to talk other teenage boys in to playing around, there was no stopping me. I was a teen-age whore.

In the book of Romans chapter one, Paul talks about people like me, who boast about their whoredoms. He speaks of that kind of gay sex as “all lust, no love.” I have to agree, most of mine in the past has been just that. I went to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico one time and had sex with five guys in one night. I couldn’t wait to get back to Denver to tell my friends about how many I had had. We boast about being whores, we boast about being sluts, that’s part of being a man and a sinner.

Growing up, I was fat, unattractive, and had low self-esteem. I wanted my friends to think I was as sexy as they, so I would brag, I would boast about my sexual adventures, trying to make them envy me, and trying to feel good about myself.

My republican, straight nephew has a theory about why gay men are such whores. He says “All men are whores; it’s the women who try to slow things down. All men want nothing but sex immediately, so if you put two men together who want nothing but sex, of course they won’t wait until the 4^th or 5^th date.”

Can God bless a gay marriage? Are all gays going to hell unless they are celibate every minute of their lives? I am sure that when God put Adam in the garden, He did not accidently forget to create Steve. God’s original plan was for man to be bonded to his perfect “helpmate”, which before the fall would have been Eve. But Eve did eat the fruit; we do have the result of thousands of years of sin in our bodies. I think being gay is a genetic result of the fall of man, along with heart disease and bad breath, neither of which was a part of God’s plan for man in Eden. So maybe God did not create Adam and Steve to be together in the garden, but then, we are a long way from the garden, and all of us have to deal with the result of the fall of man.

There are about 7 billion people alive in the world today. Say for example, 2 or 3 percent were gay, or about 30,000,000 or so. Did God forget to plan ahead, and forget to make a way of salvation for everyone but the gays? According the Westboro Baptist Church, as stated on their website GodHatesFags dot com, “God Hates Fags, they cannot be saved, and they are all going to hell.” Oh really? Did we forget about John 3:16? “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not die, but have ever lasting life.”


Do you qualify as a “whoever?” Yes, even if you are a dirty, stinking faggot, a queer, a butch dyke or a simple whore, you are still a who ever. Do you believe that the Lord Jesus Christ will save you from your sins? If so, the bible says you will not die, but have ever lasting life. Does God want you to stop sinning? Yes, but He will help you, and in His own good time.

If God were to bless a gay marriage, I think it would be a monogamous marriage. I do not know if God can bless my own gay marriage as it is based on an open relationship. I do not speak for the gay community, I only speak for myself.

I have an open relationship with my partner, because we are both men, and almost all men are whores by nature. A very few men allow God to control them, and are faithful to their partners or are celibate. I expect my partner to have sex with other guys, and tell me about it or not. Most straight men are whores, have sex with other women, and then lie about it. Is God blessing their marriage? I think not. They are committing adultery, as forbidden by Jesus and the Ten Commandments, but these same cheating, lying man-whores will not allow gays to get married, as it “redefines marriage” – as if their cheating didn’t.

Should I get married and promise to be faithful, to love, honor and cherish as long as my life shall last? No, my partner is not willing to make that promise, and when he is, I think we should get married again, but this time for real.  I am a whore who is in mad love with a whore, and we want to be together for the rest of our lives and grow old together. We just want to hook up with other hot men along the way. Is that what God wants for me? Not likely, but He is changing me and teaching me so rapidly it is difficult to keep up! But one thing I know about God, He is love and if I am to please Him, my sex needs to be about love, not lust.

My partner and I got married in the Hollywood Lutheran Church, and in our vows, I did not promise to be faithful, but only to love him for the rest of my life. Did I redefine marriage with my open, gay marriage? I don’t know, but I do know that I am in love with an amazing, wonderful man, I love him with all of my heart, and he is a hot, sexy, man-whore. I think I got married partly because it was the first time I legally could, and I wanted to be publicly living with the man I love. I would love to marry him again when it was really legal in the USA, and marry him with the intention of being faithful. Could I do that?

I think that any sex that hurts someone else is wrong. 

If having sex with someone else’s boyfriend, wife, husband or whatever causes jealousy, or breaks up a family, it’s wrong. I think people that physically damage the tiny sex organs of children by forcing their sexual members into them are monsters, and I hope that God has a special place in hell for them where small trees are forced up their . . . well, nobody better hurt children around me. I think that people who intentionally and knowingly pass STDs to other people are cold-blooded and uncaring, and are hurting people with sex. When you get the clap, get treated and stay home! Are you hurting someone else with sex? Repent! Ask God for help, and stop it!

I am still exploring what I believe about sex and promiscuity, but if two men are single, wearing condoms and they both want it, which is getting hurt? But that’s just my opinion. The bible seems to restrict all acceptable sex to within marriage, as it says to "flee fornication." But as gay marriage is illegal in most of the United States, it appears that the entire “Christian right”, the GOP, and particularly Rick Perry want to force us to be fornicators, and want all gays to go to hell for having sex outside of the very marriage they will not allow us to have. This seems rather rich, considering the current front runner "Newt Gingrich's record and his personal life—including two failed marriages that ended, in part, because he cheated." How many people do you know that have been married for more than 20 years, and there was no cheating? Are you sure?

I think that marriages where both partners are faithful are beautiful, and I would love to have one. However, I am married to a man, and almost all men are whores, so I am out of luck. Only God could keep whores like me and my partner from hooking up with other hot guys, and if He wants that, I expect He will show me in His own good time. I spent 12 years at a missionary training center in my 20's, trying to stop being gay, and I was celibate for the first 7 years. I am willing to go wherever God leads me, including being celibate if God asks it of me.

Jesus loves whores. The woman at the well had 6 husbands, and the man she was living with was not her husband. I think that when Jesus told her to stop sinning, he was asking her not to be a whore anymore, but He loved her, and she became a missionary. Can I stop being a whore? I am a gay man, a huge whore and the chief of sinners, but I love Jesus who the chief of Saviors. My God is big enough to save even me, through the blood of Jesus Christ my Savior and King. Who are you to say He cannot? Your god is too small if he can’t save gay man-whores like me. My God can do anything, that’s what makes Him God!

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